God,
Teach me, teach me to face problem in my life, make me smile, smile, bless me My Lord :) I love you my Lord ^^
Sunday, April 24, 2011
....24 April 2011
Lord,
Today I heard that my friend's sister died..life is so short, I just want to love, really, that's all, I wanted to love and be loved but it seemed so hard in my life, how come?
I miss him Lord, so much, or actually I miss the old him, the him when i feel so cute like a baby... Lord, anyway out of this? You know what i feel in my heart, right? How much I wish we can do a lot of things together, worshipping you, I wish he can become a christian, but, Im in a bad state too, how I can guide him? Your right, a blind man guide the other one is hopeless, can you bless him Lord? Always take care of him ..he has a good heart .. Im too dependent on this world, bring me out My Lord, bring me out of all this, all this, I wish Im for you, Help me Lord, thanks !
Today I heard that my friend's sister died..life is so short, I just want to love, really, that's all, I wanted to love and be loved but it seemed so hard in my life, how come?
I miss him Lord, so much, or actually I miss the old him, the him when i feel so cute like a baby... Lord, anyway out of this? You know what i feel in my heart, right? How much I wish we can do a lot of things together, worshipping you, I wish he can become a christian, but, Im in a bad state too, how I can guide him? Your right, a blind man guide the other one is hopeless, can you bless him Lord? Always take care of him ..he has a good heart .. Im too dependent on this world, bring me out My Lord, bring me out of all this, all this, I wish Im for you, Help me Lord, thanks !
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Too sad...
Dear God,
You know Im too sad, everyday Im too sad, because I miss him too much, I just want someone who can stay beside me, beside me to be with me so I wont that lonely, Lord, Ive think a lot of things lately, Im really lack of confidence, yesterday I went to club another time with friends, meeting new people, yeah, yesterday it feels so good, feel like finally I can forget about Ramin for a moment, in fact I feel so good being "pretty" near the guys, being the centre of attention, I drink and I feel free, I feel so happy, but then, I went back, I cant sleep for whole night, lately, I dont feel like eating again, and this morning I feel so weak, I wanted to vommit, everyday I wake up, I dont know what's the purpose of my life, each day of my life, I feel too lifeless, too empty, too uncertain about my own future, I do hope a lot of things, wish a lot of things.. I wish I can give up Ramin, because I know he already give up on me, but each time I think again how much we loved each other before, every memories, how much I can really feel his heart, I miss that warm hug, warm words, everything from him .. but Infact, Im too lonely now without him, whatelse can I do now My Lord? I dont have any confidence anymore, anymore, anymore... He told me his heart is too broken, too sad, and nothing can heal it, I wonder could he ever be like what Im feeling right now? I wish I can hug him, and feel him another time like before, but Lord, I know I deserve all of these... I know this time when he come back, I will lose him finally, what should I do? I dont have confidence to go to church anymore, can you help me to fill this heart, even you Lord, I cant even feel you, how come? Why Im left so lonely in this earth, why? Gideon is right when he said I can chose my own life, choice is in my hand, but the biggest fear in my life is to make choices. This kills me , hurt me so badly, so much, at the end of the day, I still miss Ramin, or the old Ramin I know, Ramin, I love you, so much. Lord, I remember I told you I know our relationship indeed is a sin, and I asked you to let him treat me badly so I can come bad to you, Im so sorry my Lord because my heart seem to chose him more than you now, Im so sorry My Lord. I dont know what I want in my life.
You know Im too sad, everyday Im too sad, because I miss him too much, I just want someone who can stay beside me, beside me to be with me so I wont that lonely, Lord, Ive think a lot of things lately, Im really lack of confidence, yesterday I went to club another time with friends, meeting new people, yeah, yesterday it feels so good, feel like finally I can forget about Ramin for a moment, in fact I feel so good being "pretty" near the guys, being the centre of attention, I drink and I feel free, I feel so happy, but then, I went back, I cant sleep for whole night, lately, I dont feel like eating again, and this morning I feel so weak, I wanted to vommit, everyday I wake up, I dont know what's the purpose of my life, each day of my life, I feel too lifeless, too empty, too uncertain about my own future, I do hope a lot of things, wish a lot of things.. I wish I can give up Ramin, because I know he already give up on me, but each time I think again how much we loved each other before, every memories, how much I can really feel his heart, I miss that warm hug, warm words, everything from him .. but Infact, Im too lonely now without him, whatelse can I do now My Lord? I dont have any confidence anymore, anymore, anymore... He told me his heart is too broken, too sad, and nothing can heal it, I wonder could he ever be like what Im feeling right now? I wish I can hug him, and feel him another time like before, but Lord, I know I deserve all of these... I know this time when he come back, I will lose him finally, what should I do? I dont have confidence to go to church anymore, can you help me to fill this heart, even you Lord, I cant even feel you, how come? Why Im left so lonely in this earth, why? Gideon is right when he said I can chose my own life, choice is in my hand, but the biggest fear in my life is to make choices. This kills me , hurt me so badly, so much, at the end of the day, I still miss Ramin, or the old Ramin I know, Ramin, I love you, so much. Lord, I remember I told you I know our relationship indeed is a sin, and I asked you to let him treat me badly so I can come bad to you, Im so sorry my Lord because my heart seem to chose him more than you now, Im so sorry My Lord. I dont know what I want in my life.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
God
God,
All people told me, all people told me hes not for me, I found it so hard for me to accept, I wonder in my heart, perhaps its your will, perhaps you will change him, change me, change both of us together, but I know myself now, nothing can change everything back anymore, just God, SORRY! Whatelse can I say, it's all my fault, Im too scared, too scared, what can I do anymore to stop all these things ... whatever then :'(
All people told me, all people told me hes not for me, I found it so hard for me to accept, I wonder in my heart, perhaps its your will, perhaps you will change him, change me, change both of us together, but I know myself now, nothing can change everything back anymore, just God, SORRY! Whatelse can I say, it's all my fault, Im too scared, too scared, what can I do anymore to stop all these things ... whatever then :'(
who?
Who can understand what I feel?
Who can understand what I really want? Even I dont know what I really want, I know it's a dead road to choose you be part of my life, Do you think it's that easy to forget you? Yeah, i know you treat me so bad, although I know I dont treat you that good either, fights, argument fills our days together, insecure, anger, sadness, lust never forget to pass by, but your already part of my life, how Im gonna forget you who sleep beside me every night? I can feel our heart is so empty when we face each other day by day, everything is fading.... or it never exists? I thought this time you go back, I wont miss you, but its wrong, perhaps i will try my best. I wish I could be set free from you, from your shadows, from your sound, from your everything, but, ..... it's so hard, so hard ... no matter who I go out with, where I go, how i hang out with people.... at the end of the day, i realized one thing, I miss you, I miss you, and I care about you..
Who can understand what I really want? Even I dont know what I really want, I know it's a dead road to choose you be part of my life, Do you think it's that easy to forget you? Yeah, i know you treat me so bad, although I know I dont treat you that good either, fights, argument fills our days together, insecure, anger, sadness, lust never forget to pass by, but your already part of my life, how Im gonna forget you who sleep beside me every night? I can feel our heart is so empty when we face each other day by day, everything is fading.... or it never exists? I thought this time you go back, I wont miss you, but its wrong, perhaps i will try my best. I wish I could be set free from you, from your shadows, from your sound, from your everything, but, ..... it's so hard, so hard ... no matter who I go out with, where I go, how i hang out with people.... at the end of the day, i realized one thing, I miss you, I miss you, and I care about you..
Friday, April 15, 2011
Morning
So many things I wanna tell you, so many, so many, But I cant write it here, and Im wondering your listening to the shout of my heart Lord, everything that happens seems to become a routine for me, until I so get used to it, so use to it that I no longer know what's my feeling anymore, you know? Im sorry Lord, my conscience judge me for each single things I did to you, each single things I felt, each single things which I knew is wrong yet I continued doing, I know if Im sad, your 10000000000x more sad than me, that's why I will try my best not to complain, because ...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
.....
Dear Lord ...
I feel so sorry to you, what can I do? What should I do? No matter what I think, what I do, Im sinning, Im sinning every single moment in my life, Im so sad Lord, where are you? Are you leaving me already? Im so bad, so bad, so bad... Lord, I wish you could help me block all the bad things from my life now, block everything, please bless me me Lord, bless me so much, because you know I need it right now, so much, your blessings would mean so much to me, teach me to love you all over again Lord...thanks
I feel so sorry to you, what can I do? What should I do? No matter what I think, what I do, Im sinning, Im sinning every single moment in my life, Im so sad Lord, where are you? Are you leaving me already? Im so bad, so bad, so bad... Lord, I wish you could help me block all the bad things from my life now, block everything, please bless me me Lord, bless me so much, because you know I need it right now, so much, your blessings would mean so much to me, teach me to love you all over again Lord...thanks
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